What Do You Do When You Lose It All?

I am 29 years old, and have just moved back in with my parents. Ive lived on my own since I was 19 and was financially independent for over half of those years. I am married with a 7 month old little girl and now all of us, along with our dog and cat have turned two small rooms in my parents home into our next step. 

I feel like I am to blame for what led us here. I took a leap, a BIG one, and fell hard. We aren't talking tripping on the curb stumble... when I say I fell HARD I mean I fell down a fucking mountain, off a cliff, and landed on my face. Or at least thats how I feel. 

In a sense I am proud and grateful. Im immensely proud of myself for taking the risk of starting a business. For tossing my hat into the ring of life where one finds success only by living BOLDLY. I had the balls to throw my hat in the ring of life. TO leap into the great unknown! To say that I learned A LOT this past year is an understatement. I turned around a failing business, grew emotionally and professionally, and accomplished all of this while pregnant and then with a newborn attached to my boob. 

Im eternally grateful for the experience and for two of the most supportive parents a person could ask for. They were there every step of the way offering their support and helping whenever possible. And when I crashed, they opened their home to my family and me. I could not ask for better people in my life. 

But even though I am proud and grateful, even though I learned more than I realized at the time, it doesn't take away the incredible sting of what is left. I lost it all, literally, and am now facing the gargantium task of whats ahead of me: the next step. I have been left sifting through the rubble of what was destroyed trying to figure out where to go from here. I have gotten very vulnerable and gone back to jobs I left asking to be put into lower positions that when I left. My once ironclad marriage now feels like its existing on quicksand. We have lost everything... our apartment, my car, most of our possessions...we even had to find a new home for our beloved dog, Bowie.

it feels like its all over .. but maybe, just maybe, its really all just beginning.

only time will tell.