The Root Of Stress
What is stress? I mean really, what is it? Take away the lists of things you need to accomplish, and what are you left with? ... Fear? Tension? Angst? Pressure? Illusion? But where do theses emotions arise? I’ve had to do the dishes thousands of times in my life, but the task hasn't always produced feelings of being overwhelmed and out of control? So where does it arise from within us?
My mother says I’ve always had a tough time navigating this emotion. At 7 I handled it with pulling out my hair, at 18 with experimenting with drugs, at 21 with obsessive fitness, at 24 with one of the darkest depressions of my life, and at 27 I left everything to escape to India to find myself again. In addition to these moments I have had 3 major emotional breakdowns, 2 that ended in hospitalization or institution (rehabilitation) and 1 that almost cost me my marriage.
So if stress has been a part of my life in major ways for 28 years, and has taken several different forms and intensities ranging from turning off my phone for a few days to silence the feeling of always being accessible, to completely shutting down my life to reboot, what is stress and why is it so non-invasive for some, and utterly earth shattering for others, and HOW THE HELL CAN YOU GET RID OF IT FOR GOOD?
A major shift that has happened through the years of self study is that the signs of feeling overwhelmed are becoming easier to ditect without confusion. I have spent literally YEARS working on myself, traveling the world seeking answers, found blissful moments of peace and clarity, and yet here I am once again sitting on the floor contemplating how I can course correct my life's ship. The cycle has come full circle and I’m ready to release it as I approach a new chapter: motherhood.
The real answer is I know why these feelings keep coming back like the zit from hell. I don't want to admit it, but I know the answer. It often escapes me in the moment because my ego is fed from familiarity and what its always known to be "true" (that I go through a cycle of stress, overwhelmed, shut down, reboot). But the truth is I am the one perpetuating this centrifugal force of events. I am the common thread between all 28 years and the dozens of moments. The ego thrives off of a symbolic umbilical chord feeding it like-minded information; the stuff that its always known and grown off of. The only way to end the cycle? Cut off the snake’s head!
The answer, the truth to the question "what is stress" escapes me in the moment I am feeling it, but as soon as I get quiet, slow down, and listen the answer -which is always there- reveals itself like a beam of sunshine peeking through the clouds.
I AM NOT TAKING CARE OF MYSELF
There are three aspects of me that need daily attention and tending to: my body, my mind, and my spirit. Its simple enough when you give these things your full and consistent attention... it was never easier than in India where I had daily instruction, told for success were provided, resources to tap into were close at hand, and the burdens of work and social media were literally thousands of miles away. But I find that I, like many of my fellow Western Humans in this day and age, become easily distracted. Even now at the mere mention of distraction I reached for my phone to check the time. WTF?! Allen Watts said, "(we) have become addicted to thoughts. Once you lean how to think you can't stop. It goes on and on and on like a monkey in your mind jumping up and down." Thinking becomes part compulsion part illusionary necessity.
We are stressed because we have distracted ourselves from what is real. What truly carries meaning in our lives; lasting meaning. Not our jobs, social media accounts, not the amount of dollars in the bank or how clean our houses are... but the things that really carry weight within our lives; family, nature, spatial connection to the universe and the energies around us. These are the things that should be receiving the majority of our minds' attention, and yet, we reach for the phone God knows how many times each day in search of my compulsion. What is familiar and engrained into my day to day.
This is where the stress comes from. This is the root. Not giving focus to the things that truly matter.
Stress is your heart screaming out for affection. Your mind pleading with you to shift your attention. Your spirit begging you to stop checking to see how many "likes" you got online and for you to simply start living.